Leonard Ng

Speaking Less, Listening More

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Otters
Image by foshie.

Only a few things about people truly matter.

These are the things that make them most deeply who they are: their hopes, dreams, fears, loves, joys. To me these are the really important things.

I’m not much of a people person. I don’t like crowds, and I don’t say much. But I do often like people, as individuals.

(Not all people, of course. I try not to engage with those who act as if everyone else owes them a living, with those who delight in power plays, with those who try to force their beliefs and opinions on others, or with those whose hearts and minds are closed. But most of the people I encounter are perfectly fine by me.)

This to me is the essence of the art of conversation: knowing what not to say, and knowing how to listen.

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The Wrong (and Right) Way to Follow Your Heart

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To soften one heart, add another
Image by qthomasbower.

Few things are as misunderstood as following your heart.

Most often people think that it means doing whatever it is you feel like doing at any point in time. But this will only lead to you wasting your energy and chasing your tail, because in the short term the heart is notoriously fickle.

In the short term our feelings tend toward instant gratification. Our short-term emotions often gravitate to whatever will give us a quick buzz, a short-term high. This is not a good way to live. It makes us flabby and idle and, in the long run, it will leave us unfulfilled.

But yet at the same time the heart is the very best compass we have to point us in the direction we should go.

How can this be?

Because our short-term whims are often the direct opposite of what will make us happiest.

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I’ve Missed You Too

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My little mint plant
My little mint plant.

I haven’t blogged in a while. I think I simply outgrew my previous blog: the parameters and style I laid out in 2005 no longer suit me, here in 2015. Ten years have gone by since. I’m different now. I’ve changed, I hope, in all the ways that matter: I’m bolder, kinder, stronger, wiser. A better man. I hope, anyway. I’ve learned to hope.

Growth and change are inevitable, even if we resist them. But often growth happens in a spiral. (Above is a picture of my little mint plant, which has doubled in size over the last week, and while it doesn’t exactly spiral it certainly does wind its way along.) Often we seem to be going back when we’re really moving forward. And now here I am, starting again. And I find that I’m glad to be back.

Work on this new site, like all creative work, was all-consuming; I tended to get impatient and annoyed when things weren’t going my way, or when things were going too slowly. So I took an hour off to recollect myself. Put some music on, lit a stick of incense, aligned my energy back towards growth, tuned my mind back to gratitude. Work went much more smoothly after that. One more thing to be thankful for.

Often we stress ourselves out unnecessarily when we’re growing, even when we’re working on our biggest opportunities. And sometimes we have to consciously slow down to align our attitudes and actions with our larger goals, so that we can move ahead faster.